You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
