Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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