Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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