sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
