so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
