i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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