I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
