The maid of honor just puked.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just had sex on a roof
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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