Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
