I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
