Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
