He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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