It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
farters have to be the big spoon...
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
