He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
