something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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