Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
