The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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