I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Randomize
