i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I love you. Go after that dick
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
