I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
