Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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