Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
It's just like the Real World with babies
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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