his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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