the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
