I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
