Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
