I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
