totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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