what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
