how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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