so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
