And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
