you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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