he looks like a really good dad on facebook
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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