Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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