I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
