So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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