peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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