He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
