Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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