i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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