You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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