omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
