I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
