the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
My bed smells like the plague
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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