i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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