drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
