My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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