Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
