were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
