so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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