When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
