I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
