he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
