Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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