So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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