if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
