Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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