i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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