he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
