3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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