i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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