everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
