dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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