Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
