Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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