we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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