you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
high people should be assigned attendants
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
