got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
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He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
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This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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