She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize